Riffing On The Times 3.28.06

As always, the headlines are taken directly from the NYT but the rest is entirely made-up.
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Bill to Broaden Immigration Law Gains in Senate - Bill to have his head pummeled by law-abiding, working-class Americans if he tries it.

French Youth at the Barricades, but a Revolution? It Can Wait - yeah, at least until someone fool tells them to eat cake.

Iraqi Documents Are Put on Web, and Search Is On - millions of bored amateurs attempt to confuse what experts on the ground have known for years.

Shiite Leaders Suspend Talks Over Government - to pursue suspending Sunnis by their testicles.

Afghan Convert to Christianity Is Released - Muslim clerics declare open season - again.

At Crossroads, Israeli Voters Seem to Wait for a Signal - ...but proceed to accelerate and run over family of Palestinians walking home from work.

Moussaoui Now Ties Himself to 9/11 Plot - and JFK assasination, and MLK assasination, and takes credit for the plan that led to the murder of John Lennon.

Seattle Police and Partygoers Still Puzzle Over Attack - senseless violence, ironically, shakes senseless world.

2 Dismissed From Jury Deciding Case of Politician - you can't buy justice, but injustice always has a price.