Decoding Dr. Robert's Edu-Speak

In an attempt to understand a recent newsletter sent by my my superintendent of schools, Dr. Robert O'Brien, , I will attempt to deconstruct his Edu-Speak into plain old, cynical, working-class English. You see, when you start making $350,000 a year, you leave the language of the hoi-polloi behind and start speaking in tongues designed to seperate the rubes from their cash. This is especially important when all other jobs in your district are making wage and benefit concessions and you keep getting fat raises.

Dr. Robert's Plan To Attain Focus, Purpose & Direction in our public schools:

1. EDUSPEAK: Successfully complete the Superintendent transition plan. ENGLISH: Secure Golden Parachute with the help of the incoming superintendent. I'm outta here....
   
   
   
2. EDUSPEAK:Successfully integrate Professional Learning Communities (PLCs) in all buildings, including defining and clarifying PLC results for all stakeholders. ENGLISH: Get all the PLCs (also known as "schools") in our district to teach the same things at the same level and then test all students in a way administrators, teachers and students understand what it "means". For example, does Johnny's "A" mean he'll have access to a college education? Hell no! You still need cash and political connections for that. That's what an "A+" means.
   
   
3. EDUSPEAK: Fully implement the contractual student initiatives. ENGLISH: Even though contracts with minors violates state and Federal laws, lets pretend a signed "contract" for thier expected behavior is legal, appropriate, and above all, unquestionable. If they don't live up to our high expectations for a future workforce, punish the little bastards....er, rather, I mean fully implement the contract.
   
   
4. EDUSPEAK: Maintain our excellent financial rating, build a balanced budget for 2006-07 and limit the impact on teaching and learning. ENGLISH: Continue paying the bills on time while somehow managing not to piss off the teachers when you reduce their pay & benefits, try not to piss off the students when you eliminate programs they actually enjoy, and try not to piss off thhe parents when you charge them for things that, until now, were paid solely by their tax dollars. In the meantime, "recommend" to the board that The Superintendent get another fat raise. It's good to be the boss.
   
   
5. EDUSPEAK: Redefine and strengthen the "Challenge of Change" employee involvement program. ENGLISH: Employee pay and benefits are going to be reduced while employee roles and responsibilities are going to be expanded. If you complain, the new security guards will show you to your vehicle. In the meantime, "recommend" to the board that The Superintendent get another fat raise. I'd make twice this amount if I worked for Enron.
   
   
6. EDUSPEAK: Implement the student data system including developing a "dashboard" of options. ENGLISH: I just received a new top-of-the-line Mac with the Tiger operating system and I think it's really, really cool. Why can't our school system be as cool as my new expensive computer? Maybe it can. I could use the dashboard widgets to access student records whenever and wherever I want. (The preceding was a paid PRODUCT PLACEMENT from Apple Computers to Robert O'Brien, Superintendent of Schools - and will be appearing over urinals and in bathroom stalls district-wide.) You know, if I made $600,000 a year, I wouldn't have to be makind side-deals like this. Recommend to The Board I get a raise.
   
   
7. EDUSPEAK: Evaluate and improve our student intervention programs. ENGLISH: Are we doing enough to control the little bastards while they're in school? Give 'em detention if they act up. Failing that, call the cops and prosecute. I'm done screwing around.
   
   
8. EDUSPEAK: Clarify, improve and implement a stronger, more specific internal and external communication process. ENGLISH: Teachers: speak up at the staff meetings or shut the hell up in the teacher's lounge. Oh, and by the way, we have the right to record your conversations in any district building, no matter what your union says. Note to self: crush the union.
   
   
9. EDUSPEAK: Complete the implementation of the International Academy. ENGLISH: Exclude hoi polloi from the priveleged fast track to educastional success and lock the doors behind you. This is what our president calls "pleasing your base". Exclude, divide, discriminate. It's the American Way.
   
   
10. EDUSPEAK: Review our high school curriculum and program offferings. ENGLISH: Find ways to save money while increasing test scores. Recommend to the board The Superintendent get another raise.
    
    
11. EDUSPEAK: Complete district goals at highly successful levels. ENGLISH: Duh.
    
    
    
    

.; )