Riffing On The Times 7-21-06

As always, the heads are taken directly from NYTimes Online while the sub-heads are entirely made-up.


From Carnage in Lebanon, a Concession - Israel Agrees to Lie to Secretary Of State Condo-lease-a Rice if she agrees get on a plane headed back to the U.S.

A Night of Death and Terror for Lebanese Villagers - Courtesy of Secretary of State Condo-lease-a Rice's Imaginary 48 Hour Cease Fire

U.S. Puts Onus on Employers of Immigrants - Govt. To Business: If you want cheap labor you can abuse with impunity, you'll have to go to the trailer parks and inner cities just like everybody else.

Israel Suspending Lebanon Air Raids After Dozens Die - Just kidding, they're going to keep bombing the shit out of women, children, old folks and those meddlesome UN peacekeepers in hopes of hitting a "terrorist".

A Small Charity Takes the Reins in Fighting a Neglected Disease - Discarded, unprofitable "cure" saved from pharmaceutical trash bin by humans who are actually concerned with the well being of other humans without requiring an obscene profit. Though increasingly rare, they do still exist.

Leftist Plans Sit-Ins to Challenge Mexico Vote - Mexicans show Americans how to behave when your election has been stolen by
right wing extremists with the help of an American company (i.e. ChoicePoint).

**** Learn More About ChoicePoint****


Passing Down the Legacy of Conservatism - Though beer bongs, ass-paddling and hate crimes are favored among young Republicans, mysoginism, racism and jingoism are preferred by elders. All, however, belive in their divine right to loot the U.S. treasury to fund their own private interests.

Cute, Stinky and Beached, Seals Cause a Squabble - Navy elite force looking for Lebanese "beachfront" found sweaty and confused on California shoreline. Leader overheard cursing "that Goddamn Rumsfeld has done it to us again!"