Again, the headlines below (underlined) were taken directly from The New York Times online, but the subtitles are entirely made up. Just a bit of satire. Enjoy.
Suicide Bombing Kills at Least 4 at Tel Aviv Club - And just when it seemed things were going so well between the Jews and the Arabs.
Pope Described as Recovering After Surgery - Also described as "Old", "Infirm", "Near Death" and most controversially, "Merely Human."
Women's Voice Rise as Rwanda Reinvents Itself - After bloody recent history, country wants to be known as "Soprano-Ville".
5 G.I.'s Killed and 9 Injured Across Iraq in 24 Hours - 1500 casualties and counting, Bush claims "Mission Accomplished" and sets sights on Iran.
5 G.I.'s Killed and 9 Injured Across Iraq in 24 Hours - President quips, "That wouldn't sound so bad if you knew how many Iraqis we've killed in the last 24 hours. But that's classified."
9 U.N. Peacekeepers in Congo Killed by Militia Fighters - Kofi Anan declares home continent "Danger Zone" and proposes new resolution to, "make it nicer".
9 U.N. Peacekeepers in Congo Killed by Militia Fighters - "Help Wanted" sign again graces U.N. Storefront. Talk of "out-sourcing" begins.
Rice Calls Off Mideast Visit After Arrest of Egyptian - Secretary of State says Egyptian man wasn't criminal, but hired by State Department to paint her toenails while she played piano, fan her with ostrich feathers while she lounged, and portray Marc Antony or Julius Ceasar when she was feeling "powerful".
Amid Uproar, Harvard Head Ponders Style - President of formerly respected university declares an end to confrontational leadership style to adopt, "...more of a Jim Backus/Thurston Howell III kind of thing." Claims sailor suit just the beginning of operation "Retro-President".
At a Small Shop in Colorado, Wal-Mart Beats a Union Once More - Seems "living wage" and need for "a decent living" no match for American's lust for "deep discounts".
At a Small Shop in Colorado, Wal-Mart Beats a Union Once More - Despite Walton Family $100 BILLION fortune, they're still not satisfied. "What we're really into is pounding the little guy deep into poverty. Now that's satisfying. You just can't put a price on that."
Move to Halt Delegations Is Challenging Episcopalians - Confusion over homosexuality leads to "Pissed-Co-Palian", "Bi-copalian", "Trans-copalian", and "Lez-copalian" splinter groups.
Read more Riffing On The Times: Feb 20th, 2005
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2 comments:
*blinks* I want an egypitan man to portray Marc Antony and fan me with ostritch feathers...
(Note to self: must get a subscription to the New York Times)
Just when you think nobody's listening, a little mouska runs out from under the footlights and makes you smile.
Give me an ostrich feather and I'll be your greatest "fan".
; )
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